Dear Kendall,

Hi. I’m your mother – you currently seem to be quite comfortable living in my tummy. However, I am asking...begging…you to make your exit. As much as I have loved feeling you nearly break every rib on my right ribcage, where your feet have been stuck for weeks, I think it’s time for us to bond on the outside. You decided to scare us 6 weeks ago and pretend that you were going to come too early. So despite warnings to rest and relax, I frantically prepared our home for your arrival. You have continued to dilate my cervix every week and cause contraction after annoying contraction, and frankly the teasing has become a little annoying. We are now at 39 weeks and apparently you are quite large. I’m not sure if you understand what has to happen physically in order for you to leave my tummy, but I would prefer if you stayed the size you are now, or even dropped a few ounces. Maybe do some more kickboxing on my ribs – I’ll take it if it will save certain parts of my body. I promise to feed you immediately upon arrival.

Your sister has been hearing about you for months now, and I think that she currently believes she is being lied to and this “Baby Kendall” chick who is supposed to be coming to our house “any day” or “very soon” is something we fabricated in a devious plot to turn her into a “big girl.” And as for Mommy’s huge tummy, I guess Mommy’s just fat now.

And poor Daddy. He has been a trooper. He’s given me massage after massage, dealt with weird cravings and mood swings, and lost a lot of sleep as I make hourly runs to the restroom each night. He might be more eager for you to leave my tummy than I am.

So here’s all I’m asking – one swift kick or punch to break the amniotic sack. Put all that weight into it. I know you have to have some aggression in you - you’re a Pridemore. And, I love you.